Spoiler alert, this particular blog is about a week old and I have since stopped “embracing my stillness”. I guess stillness just isn’t my thing, but that blog comes later… until then, go ahead and read this one about the full week I embraced my stillness (it was pretty painful). And now I have to go to the gym…
I’ve found myself listening to a lot of music lately. More than I usually do because I find myself walking a lot… like a lot, because I can’t do any other damn thing. I feel like everyone has that one thing that always puts a smile on your face, no matter what you are in the middle of. For me, it’s always been music.
Music has this way of transporting you to a different time. Either back to somewhere you have already been that you would like to revisit (Norah Jones and Sublime have done that a lot for me lately), transports you to somewhere you would like to be, or keeps you right where you are. No matter what, music evokes something within, and anyone who argues that, I’d say you just aren’t listening close enough.
I have vivid memories of driving in the orange 1965 Mustang listening to a mix tape with Rancid, Sublime, Stray Cats and The Offspring, my girls riding with me headed to the beach. The smell of sunscreen and tar comes flooding back to me, along with the conversations of “rigging it” (which meant making out) with boys and where the bonfire was at that night. Whose house were we going to sleep over at (usually Alia’s) and who were were going to meet up with became the most important weekend topics. The days when the only thing that mattered was your tan, whether or not you were grounded, and how you would get beer that night.
Simpler times. And I can get back there simply by putting on my headphones. Then rushes in the smell of sunscreen and tar with the sounds of teenage giggles infiltrating my brain. Would I go back? Not a chance. But I do love to visit. The thing is, I’m happier now. I’m confident in me and I feel the earth under my feet. I’ve embraced my imperfections, fixed what I wanted and am not afraid to be who I am. I’m honest to a fault because I’m not scared of who looks back at me in the mirror. Everyone has an arrow and it’s up to you to follow it or ignore it. I have chosen to follow mine, no matter where it points. I’m goin to disappoint people sometimes (which I absolutely hate) but I know that as long as I continue to follow my arrow, I’ll land on my feet. My arrow has always brought me joy, laughter, success, and love. I’m reminded of something my sister once said to her daughter when she asked her mom the meaning of life. Her answer? “Well my little one, the meaning of life, is love.” Sister, I could not agree more.
Now if there is only one thing you take away from reading this, please let it be this; follow your arrow! Listen to music that speaks to you, let it make you smile, laugh, cry, hurt, see, feel uncomfortable, and let yourself feel it all. Every bit of it. The good, the bad, the pain, the love, the deceit, the graciousness… feel it all and don’t apologize for how it makes you feel. “Say what you feel, love who you love, ‘cuse you just get so many trips ’round the sun, yeah, you only life once.” Thanks Kacey Musgraves. For a small town girl you sure know a lot of shit.