I woke up the morning after sharing my blog feeling uncomfortable. I was mentioning to my husband “I’m feeling like I should’t have shared the blog”. My husbands immediate answer was, “I wouldn’t have”. Now if any of you know my husband that answer prompts a, “well no shit Sherlock”. Captain fucking obvious over here. Basically there are two people he would share something with, me and his mom. Definitely not the internet. Adorable, right? Right.
I was not uncomfortable because all of my shit was out in the open (oddly I’m OK with that). My husband asked me why I was uncomfortable about it and my answer, “people are fucking praying for me”. Now, first off I’d like to say, thank you for your prayers because I know they come from a place of caring and love, but I’d also like to say, don’t. Don’t pray for me. Prayers make me feel like I’m sick, and I’m far from sick. My husbands response was, “well what did you want?” Great question. So I got to thinking, what did I want?
Some of what I wanted I got. I had several people come up to me and say the blog was funny. I had many women tell me I was a bad ass, strong, brave… I want women to know their strength and to harness that powerful shit. I had someone who knew me many years ago send me an email telling me that my passion for life and adventure have always been “intoxicating”. This was such a compliment to me because that is who I am, and it felt nice to be seen. I had one person joke with me the next day that he felt like he had to be nice to me now. He was quite relieved when I told him I would hate nothing more than that, in which he proceeded to say “I can’t believe you are only 36” (he learned from my blog) and I politely responded by saying “fuck you”. And just like that, the world was right again. I guess I wanted what I always want; People to laugh, feel less alone, think positive, and understand that it’s OK to be who you are, not what someone else want’s you to be. F-bombs and all.