You can’t see everything coming

I couldn’t sleep. My world had been spun into chaos the day before my surgery. Sometimes things happen differently than you would have wanted, but in the end it becomes the path that leads to your next adventure. So there it is, change. Not the way I had intended, but I’ll embrace it.

I woke up at 3am, jaw tight dreaming about work. I take a shower as instructed (dial from head to toe) rinced with mouthwash and took of my jewelry that has become a part of me. I went back to the bed and kissed my husband who whispered “make sure to come back to us”, grabbed my bags and waited in the dark driveway for my sister.

Pulling in it didn’t yet seem real. Even walking in, “checking in?” he said to me, like I was about to walk into a ritz. I’m most definitely not at the Ritz. As I waited with my sister we chatted about older times, our children and life. Then it was time, “all patients please come with me” the nurse said as I was ushered off to pre-opp. Another young woman stood beside me and she asked “are you having surgery too?” And to that I said “yep… what are you in for?” I couldn’t help myself. She answers “a hysterectomy”. I honestly Have no control because the next thing I remember doing was giving her a high five and saying “yeah, my hysta-sista!” We chatted for a bit and wished each other luck.

Eventually my room was filled with family and even a stuffed unicorn. Leave it to my daddy. It was time. I was pulled away in my bed and whisked down the hallway. That’s when I started to see stars. Mouth got dry. Hands started to shake. Breath got heavy. They pushed me through double doors into a large sterile room with 3 other people, lots of impressive tools and the operating table with a large stirrup I knew would be for me. My last words to my Dr. were, “if I wake up without ovaries I will find you.” We shared one last laugh. So surreal to have to slide yourself onto the table knowing when you wake up parts of you will be missing. Lights go out. Time passes. Pieces of me are lost.

Apparently for some redheads (the nurse said) painkillers don’t work. Well mother trucker! They tried everything and maxed me out! Turns out plain old Motrin works best for me. I didn’t know my ass from my thumb and only recall half of my conversations. I waited for a hospital bed for 10 hours! Thank god my other sister drove down to keep me company (and had plenty of junk food). And thanks to Shea who happened to be working at the hospital that day. The smoothie was on point. I had one of the coolest conversations with my sister, and I felt pretty damn lucky. My life is filled with great shit. The best shit. And even the bad shit can help you get to your next level of awesome.

Finally to a room! I thought I’d finally get some peace and rest, but the hospital was at full capacity which meant I’d have a shared room! Panic was on my face wondering what old farting hip-replacement bunky I would get. Would she hack all night long and smell of cabbage? Then I heard her voice… it was my haysta-sista! We shared stories and bonded as the women we still were. Both strong and taking life by the balls. I hope you read this hysta-sista. You are now a part of my story.

Another sleepless night filled with family, new friends, and laughter… and yes, it hurts to laugh. But I have relief. A weight has been lifted and now I start a new journey that wound up being different than the one I had planned. But just because you went in with your eyes wide open doesn’t mean you can see everything coming. And that is ok.

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